The concept for Kindergarten Cop is a huge mix of contradictions; pairing things that do not mix in the slightest. The set-up of a cop feigning as a kindergarten teacher to protect the family of a crazed criminal already feels very mismatched but when the main actor is Arnold Schwarzenegger, it would be impossible to market this film without getting extremely confused. Thankfully the smartest decision was to give the film to the man who made ghosts funny and scary at the same time, Ghostbusters director Ivan Reitman, and through his help the film while still being very confused with itself, is at least so charmingly confused with itself that the end result is fun to watch. Police officer John Kimble (played by Arnold Schwarzenegger) is close to finally bagging elusive drug kingpin Cullen Crisp (played by Richard Tyson) but is unable to get an alibi. Discovering that he has an estranged family that he’s been trying to track down, Kimble and another cop named Phoebe (played by Pamela Reed) journey to Astoria, Oregon with the plans of Phoebe posing as a kindergarten teacher while Kimble would search for the right family. But upon Phoebe getting sick, Kimble is forced to take the position and finds it far more difficult than expected. But through patience and slowly becoming fond of the children as well as a fellow teacher named Joyce (played by Penelope Ann Miller), Kimble starts to see how much joy comes from teaching children, unaware that Crisp has found their location and is making his way to take his family. Inspiring several similar project with out of place actors put into childish situations like The Pacifier with Vin Diesel or even Mr Nanny with Hulk Hogan, and spoofing upon itself with a clear satire of Schwarzenegger’s action clichés being flipped on their backside, the film is a bizarre blend of cutesy whimsy and an overblown 80s-style cop film. While the two do often clash with each other, the film overall is charming enough with enough fun performance that makes it a nice viewing experience.

Schwarzenegger films are always known for their over-the-top clichés and fans always eat it up. Whether it be overblown grounded action or overblown sci-fi action, the tropes used in his film are often unapologetic and very entertaining to watch, so it’s also open to being made fun of. Satirizing his type of film also equals out to satirizing Schwarzenegger and both feel drastically out of place in this film in the best way possible. The muddling of tones works the best in terms of the comedic aspect as seeing this gigantic Austrian beefcake trying to handle a group of tiny children is both confusing and hilarious as the reactions from each side is so specific that its gets some good laughs all throughout. While it is a silly movie and the set-up is more interesting than the actual story itself, it is still a legitimately good spoof on a Schwarzenegger film; the drastic shift from traditional Arnold quotes and actions to the child-friendly shenanigans of being a teacher works pretty well next to each for a comedy like this. With that said, whenever the film tries to be a ‘’real’’ movie with real stakes, it becomes a lot more obvious the differences between the two aspects and it never feels right. It either comes across as way too out of place or just plain uncomfortable: a movie with police officer Arnold Schwarzenegger being an undercover kindergarten teacher should not feature domestic abuse and child abduction. Those sections of the film slow down the entertaining parts and it doesn’t work when the film stops trying to just be a silly comedy. Getting Ivan Reitman was a good choice as he has previously done a great job balancing two completely separate tones perfectly together in Ghostbusters and for the most part, he balances out the harsher moments well enough when the transition eventually comes after the first act.

If there is a perfect way to describe Arnold, it is that he is a very entertaining actor, not necessarily a good one. While he has enough experience to have an inkling of an idea, even throughout most of his good films, his performances are not usually what saves the film, it is the action, comedy and over-the-top thrills that comes with his work. Even though he can’t put on a great performance, he seems to understand enough that he can have fun with it, meaning he will always give something at least entertaining which is why he works really well in action films and even surprisingly well in comedies. His performance in this is very similar; while the ‘’emotional’’ moments are not that impressive, when he needs to look cool, he can do it, and when he has to be funny, he can do that too. Most of the supporting cast like Penelope Ann Miller, Pamela Reed and Linda Hunt are all pretty good and do a good job adding some grounded-ness to make up for their co-stars’ uniqueness. Most of the children surprisingly work okay as it would need to since they are one of the driving forces of the film and even if their acting is very cutesy, its impressive that they got non-acting random children from the area to give manageable takes at all. Where the film really starts to fall flat is the villain: the 80s was heavily obsessed with this type of villain, the traditional mob-boss type villain and he’s really lazy and annoying in this. Even as villains go, he’s more pathetically generic and forgettable as opposed to threatening and his mother played by Carroll Baker works much better as a villain instead.

The opening credits do a pretty good job setting up what kind of atmosphere the film is going to try and create; an overly extreme semi-realistic take on the police force and gang warfare even if it is incredibly 80s, and then an overly cutesy wholesome town filled with bright cheery music and pleasant environments. With how the film is set-up, the contrast from the harshly light smoky areas of the city as opposed to the pristine, grassy open-skied areas of the kindergarten area is a nice change and the school aesthetic with the kindergarten pastel colors being so pronounced, they even contrast Arnold; it’s in-your-face, but effective. The humor of the film comes more from the situation, the people, and the circumstances rather than the actual dialogue. While none of it is painful or even that noticeable, whenever something is funny, it really only works because either how the actors say the lines or rather the situation and visual is bizarre enough that it gets a laugh. Weirdly enough, most of the out of nowhere adult elements don’t feel too out of place in this film; with the initial set-up being very 80s action, a sillier level of harshness works okay in this kind tone and it’s really bizarre hearing kids who can barely speak words say some weird stuff. The music also captures the whimsical nature of the light and fluffy side of the story so heavily that it borders on demeaning.

Kindergarten Cop should not work as a premise without a good team behind it, and thankfully this film had it. With a good director, cast and talent working behind it, they were able to turn this into a fairly decent comedy. While it still has its fair share of rough patches as any time it tries to be serious and talk about real world parental issues, it not only comes across as uncomfortable but very out of place, the film overall manages to keep itself very charming and likeable with a hint of a smart satirical edge that makes it a bit stronger than anticipated. Nothing great, but the image of Arnold as a teacher is more than enough to warrant at least a watch.