Returning to a franchise that has been left alone for a while can come with its fair share of problems. While there have been TV shows, video games and even certain movie franchises that have continued their adventures in interesting and new ways in the past, it’s important to remember that it requires effort, patience, and understanding of what you’re doing and why you’re doing it, in order for it to succeed and prove to fans that it needed to be returned to. When restarting a film franchise, a lot has to be factored in to make it work, and unfortunately people like Steven Spielberg and George Lucas aren’t the best when it comes to reintroducing them. Spielberg basically ran Jurassic Park into the ground, and the Star Wars prequels left people in disbelief at how bad they were, so when you allow these two to reintroduce their beloved serial-inspired movie trilogy about everyone’s favourite archaeologist with a whip for one more time about nineteen years later, don’t be surprised with what you get. Set in the late 1950s, a much older Indiana Jones (played again by Harrison Ford) is once again thrown into a larger-than-life situation when Soviet agents led by Irina Spalko (played by Cate Blanchett) forces him to look within a secret government warehouse to find a mummified alien corpse, which Spalko hopes will help her find the Crystal Skull, an artifact connected to the aliens which could hold great psychic powers. Once he escapes, Indy comes across his old love Marion (played again by Karen Allen) who got roped into this adventure along with her son, Mutt (played by Shia LaBeouf) who is also Indy’s secret son. Banning together, the three will have to find the trail that leads them to an ancient city which supposedly holds the alien’s powers, before Spalko gets there first. While the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull was a critically successful film and was the highest grossing film in the franchise at that point (when not adjusted for inflation), earning $790 million against a $185 million budget, fans of the Indiana Jones movies despised this movie with a passion, to the point that people don’t even want to think about this movie’s existence. It’s hard to go as far as to say this movie will result in that visceral of a reaction from non-die-hard fans, but it’s definitely not going to leave any impression.

Coming back into a franchise this late down the line would usually be tricky, but because of Indiana Jones’ timeless nature, it probably could have been done if it were given the correct updates and modifications to make it work within a brand-new era. Modernizing the series would have had its own faults, as it does have a very charming cheesiness that comes from its old-fashion atmosphere, but the reason it doesn’t work here comes down to its aimless direction and its lack of a backbone. This movie never really feels like it’s bringing something that new to the table and it definitely isn’t enough to excuse the long gap between movies.  Adding elements like communism paranoia, KGB agents and aliens akin to something out of a 50s sci-fi movie could work within an Indiana Jones movie which has always dabbled in other-worldly entities mixed with the current time period’s cultural and political turmoils, but it can’t within the new generation without something fresh added onto it, and this film is disturbingly safe in its delivery. Its remaining incredibly by-the-numbers and lacks that sense of gritty edge that made the Indiana Jones universe feel quirky, yet realistic within itself. It’s like it was so desperate to return to the good old days that it was afraid to feature anything new in the formula, relying on old tropes, gimmicks, plot lines and even characters to win people over rather than on its own merits. The script by David Koepp is a factor into why this film is as slow, unengaging, and as monotonous as it is, with no sense of fresh life, spark or even enjoyment coming out of this delivery, and despite getting Spielberg to return to the directing chair, even he isn’t able to resuscitate the film into a workable fashion. It’s a very dull sit to get through, being pretty long for something that’s incredibly predictable and not building to anything that the audience can’t see from a mile away.

The characters from Indiana Jones have always enjoyed being these simple to grasp caricature-like roles that don’t require much but can leave a great impression through charming acting and memorable writing. While Temple of Doom and Last Crusade got pretty annoying and incredibly simplistic with writing some of its characters, there was still this sense of memorable energy and corny atmosphere that at least felt in check with this universe. Here, the lack of strong personality also leads to characters lacking any strong identities. Indy is still Indy, but there’s so little gained from him being in this movie as well as being so much older that it just comes across like a forceful retread rather than an excuse to do something new with him. He’s not a very complex character, so adding new elements like aging him up and giving him a kid aren’t bad additions, but the movie doesn’t do anything to makes those elements interesting or different from any other movie that tackles these same prospects. Ford is passable enough, but it almost feels like he’s overcompensating for being away for so long because he doesn’t feel nearly as genuine anymore, it’s like he’s trying to overplay the part. Karen Allen feels just as tired and out-of-her-element as Ford does and doesn’t really feel like a supporting character and rather just a ”character’s mother” now, which is a shame as Marion was pretty cool in the first movie. Shia LaBeouf is a very odd choice for the role of Indiana Jones’ son; this isn’t to say it can’t work, but it’s kind of like discovering that Lara Croft’s daughter is Taylor Swift, it’s not a terrible discovery, but one that needs to be handled incredibly specifically for people to actually take it seriously. His acting is honestly fine (at least for LaBeouf), but the bland role mixed with the typical LaBeouf mannerisms makes him pretty annoying. Cate Blanchett is known for being a pretty great actress and even sounds like a good choice for a villain in this world, but the weird haircut, bland motivation and lack of any real threat or humor makes her a pretty forgettable antagonist. Even other popular actors like Ray Winstone, John Hurt and Jim Broadbent are completely wasted in this movie, especially noticeable for how usually memorable the side characters in Indiana Jones movies are.

Considering how much people loved the practical effects and physical stunts that came with the original three movies, it’s easy to say that people weren’t very impressed with the excessive amount of CG used in this movie. Overall, it’s not a bad thing that CG is used in a movie; even if a previous film didn’t need to, a future movie doesn’t need to be punished for not reaching the same level of extremes its previous did if they were doing things that could put people in danger and things just worked out. The problem comes from how much CG is used (especially on things that could’ve been done physically without people getting hurt) and just how fake these effects look. It never looks real and for coming out in 2008, they are pretty laughable for that year. It constantly takes people out of the moment, and in a series that once prided itself on at least looking pretty physical and graphic, this safe almost PG-13 style movie really isn’t what people wanted to see for a brand-new movie. The franchise already tapped into a PG-13 with Last Crusade, but there is absolutely nothing that requires parental guidance in this movie, it doesn’t earn the rating at all whereas the other movies felt like they had too low a rating. It’s strange how much that lower rating can affect a franchise; as without that balance of grit and cheese, it just comes across as corny in the bad way. Most of the locations are really bland, it’s not a very interesting look project from a production level, the shots by cinematographer Janusz Kamiński aren’t anything incredibly, even the famous John Williams score, and music just feels like a recycle from past films, it all just feels like hand-me-downs.

Raiders of the Lost Ark was a five-star restaurant meal cooked to practical perfection, The Last Crusade and Temple of Doom were dishes that have been burnt; fails as a whole and leads to a pretty unpleasant experience, but certain sections show the true strength and flavour underneath, Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is gruel served at a cafeteria; bland flavourless mush that arguably has less bad taste than the burnt dishes, but has nothing special about it to even stay in the eater’s memory. This movie is definitely bad and leaves the least amount of impression, but instead of featuring physically hurtful stuff like the previous two, this movie just exists as a dull failure that isn’t even really trying to be anything grand or important. It doesn’t feel like a cynical movie with no effort put into it, it’s just misguided, poorly handled, too outdated and came and went without any purpose or even any reason outside of just wishing to reuse a familiar brand one more time to earn some more money. This isn’t a movie worth watching, and it unfortunately ended the Indiana Jones franchise off in a bad place, but with Disney planning on making a fifth movie in 2022, maybe there can be one last shot at getting this whip-carrying adventurer the conclusion he deserves.

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